The original version of this blog was created on January 1, 2005. Back when I started writing it, I had no inkling that anyone at all would read it. I shared whatever I felt like because I figured it was only for my own posterity.
Turns out, folks were reading. The combination of becoming aware that I actually had an audience, along with that audience growing significantly in the early years, had the effect of causing me to be much more thoughtful about what I posted. I suddenly didn’t want to let my audience down. But thoughtfulness takes time and effort, so, unsurprisingly, I posted less frequently.
The blog was a big part of how I got a job in Developer Relations (DevRel). With the new job, it seemed my blog now represented both me personally and my employer, to an even larger audience. So, I added layers of caution to my thoughtfulness, and posted less frequently still.
Thoughtfulness and a dose of caution are fine, in general, but they can also lead inadvertently to sanitizing your content. In retrospect, this definitely happened to me. My content (generally speaking) became less frequent and much more sanitized. I didn’t want to let anyone down and didn’t want to say things that might be misinterpreted by a current employer, future employer, or random Twitter flamethrower.
How The Past Decade Broke My Blog
Not technically (it continued to function), but what drove me to create a blog and to share was an excitement and optimism around technology. It seems naive in hindsight, but I, like many others, really believed technology would be a positive force in the world.
2016 changed my point of view. It showed me the many ways that technology could become a destructive force. First, and most obvious, social media showed that it was ripe for abuse and misinformation on a massive scale. Trump, Russia, and various other groups were able to use it to impact the election in the US successfully. Second, and not at all obvious at the time, was that it made me realize that tech leadership was at best indifferent and at worst supportive of what had happened. This wasn’t obvious because publicly they were signaling support for anti-fascism and anti-racism, but it was my firm belief (confirmed in 2024) that, behind closed doors, they were supporting and even funding fascism and largely indifferent (or supportive of) the racism that was its _raison d’être.
This understanding dampened my enthusiasm for tech as a whole, but also added to my caution. I still needed a job to support my family, and I worried that publicly sharing any of my concerns or even signaling my dampened enthusiasm could hurt or even ruin my career opportunities, especially in a job where we used to call ourselves “evangelists.”
But if 2016 began my long, slow disillusionment with tech, 2024 fully broke me…well, in multiple ways (just mentally, to be clear), but here I’m speaking specifically about my perception of the tech industry. There was no more “behind closed doors”; this was “out in the open,” “hoods off” support of fascism that was pervasive across the leadership of the industry (and, not coincidentally, many of the people who funded the industry).
I pulled back from much of my public-facing work and my social media presence.
Disillusionment, while a feeling perhaps many of us share to varying degrees, didn’t feel like a useful thing to write about. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way – and knowing you’re not alone has value – but there needs to be more. Disillusionment is a valid feeling, but it’s not a productive one.
Finding My Way Back (What I Value)
Part of this journey in re-finding my voice is recognizing what I value and what brings me joy. This story started with me writing a blog that I fully expected no one to read and finding fulfillment in it. It then went through me adding layer upon layer of “thoughtfulness” (often in a negative way) and caution until there was no clear path through the barriers I’d built up to actual writing…and definitely not in any kind of writing that brought me joy and satisfaction.
So, with that in mind, here are the principles I intend to follow that (I hope) will bring me back to consistency and fulfillment in my writing:
- I write for myself and about the things I care about. I’m not writing it in spite of other people – I truly do hope that others will read it and that it is somehow helpful to them – but I’ve spent far too much time not writing because I was worried about what other people might think or how it might impact my job, future job prospects, etc. I hope to find the joy in writing that I had in 2005 but managed to beat down over the years until I’d nearly forgotten.
- I believe there are good people in tech. In fact, I know it because I know so many of them personally. I truly feel that the way back for tech is by connecting the good people together. I know a lot of folks have expressed a feeling of being worn down by the industry lately (including me), but when I’m able to get out there, it’s a reminder that most of the people working in this industry are good people, even if many of the leaders who represent the industry are not.
- There are good things still happening in tech; they’re just not always obvious. For instance, I’ve been spending a lot of time reading about and exploring ATproto lately. Is it the future? Will it take off? No idea (honestly, complexity is a big barrier here), but I like that it is open and the Atmosphere is (largely) community-driven. I plan to find those things that bring me hope and dig into them when I can.
I am writing these principles down for me, to remind myself when the disillusionment gets the best of me, that there are things I care about, and people worth caring for…who maybe will enjoy and get value out of what I have to say (and even if no one reads it, hopefully I can find fulfillment in the process of writing nonetheless, as I once did).